The Saga of Michael Klein: A Poem in Praise of a Pristine Perineum

Some of the world’s greatest medical discoveries never receive the attention they deserve. For Canadian physician Michael Klein, the attention came late, but it’s been growing ever since.

And thanks to one very humorous and talented fan, Klein’s work is immortalized in rhyme.

Dr. Jerry Kruse, the newly named executive associate dean of the School of Medicine at Southern Illinois University School of Medicine, where he had been chair of the department of Family and Community Medicine, has a flair for writing poetry and limericks – often under the pseudonym of Dr. Kreuss, which, yes, rhymes with “Seuss.”

Kruse’s talents were on full display last December at the annual meeting of the North American Primary Care Research Group. In the video above, he pays tribute to Klein, who is widely known for his landmark randomized control trial that showed routine episiotomies during childbirth (an incision on the perineum and the posterior vaginal wall during second stage of labor) cause an increase in the very complications they aim to prevent.

Klein believed that women given routine episiotomies experienced deeper perineal tears than women who were not given episiotomies. Though his study confirmed this, it was initially met with resistance within the medical community. In 1992, eight years after the original request for publication in an accredited journal, Klein’s findings were finally published.

Once released, the study caused a medical, and thus cultural, shift. Routine episiotomy was slowly abandoned by medical caregivers (“scissors were thrown to the floor with disdain,” notes Kruse in his poem) and with that, severe perineal injuries declined.

The results of Klein’s trial helped to decrease episiotomies not only in Canada, but throughout the world. In his opening remarks, Kruse credits Klein with “improving the lives of millions of women.”

In “The Saga of Michael Klein,” billed as the story of Klein’s “search for truth regarding episiotomy,” Kruse begins with a description of Klein’s holistic obstetric practice. Klein had advocated that women in labor should not be treated as if they have a disease, and that the first intervention during labor often leads to a cascade of other interventions, disrupting a natural process.

Here’s an excerpt:

Michael knew in his heart, way deep down inside

That obstetrical knowledge was not well applied.

“Technology’s great, for those who are ill,

But for those who are healthy it’s really no thrill

To be strapped down and poked, and scared stiff as a board.

This just isn’t right!” his fervent voice roared.

One thing more than others, did gnaw at his heart,

Made his blood boil, and stung like a dart.

He just couldn’t stand it, to see a long slice,

A cut, an epis – what a terrible vice,

Disruption of skin for no reason at all,

A snip with the scissors that starts very small

But rips and extends as the baby comes through

Tears into the sphincter and up the wazoo.

A third, then a fourth, oh my what a mess

“They must like to sew,” was his only guess.

So Michael rose up, and he raised his right hand

And opened his mouth, and took a firm stand:

“I’ll study this problem,” he said with a shout,

“And when I am finished there won’t be a doubt

That these cuts are no good—the whole world will see—

This idea’s a good one, they’ll have to agree.

I’ll start up a randomized, single-blind study

And I’ll work with Michel who’s my very good buddy

And we’ll put ole’ McGill right here on the map.

This study of perineal trauma’s a snap.

“The Saga of Michael Klein” concludes with a clear message: Never give up on your cause if the research is true and good can come of it.

Klein’s quest is one of many that healthcare providers and birth advocates have completed to make birth healthier and safer for all women. No matter if you are a doctor, midwife, nurse, pregnant woman, or just someone who cares about childbirth, “The Saga of Michael Klein” encourages you to laugh – and to carry the hope of bettering birth.

Ed. note: You can view the full poem in Family Medicine journal (October 2012), along with a complete bibliography.

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Allison Saran is a senior at Brandeis University, majoring in anthropology and public health. She is a keen advocate for evidence-based birth and is excited to continue her studies at the Yale School of Nursing (CNM speciality).