The Science of Saving Your Sex Life: On Desire, Arousal, and Pleasure

A person kissing another person on the forehead as they lay on a bed Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels

Emily Nagoski debunks some sticky and unhelpful sex myths that get in the way of satisfaction. She explains the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire and provides scientifically accurate advice on desire, arousal, and pleasure.

“We talk a lot about how much we want sex (or not) — and drug companies are trying to help us want it more. They would like to be our fairy godmother. What if, instead, we talked about how much we enjoy sex (or not)? What if we talked about ways to create contexts that give us pleasure, rather than desire? What if we didn’t expect desire to be our fairy godmother, but our partner in playful, giggling crime?”