My Story: Dealing with Low Sexual Desire Levels

By Amy Agigian —

SA shares how motherhood has decreased her desire to have sex. However, she mentions that with experience she has been able to strengthen her communication skills with her husband about sex which benefits both.


SA: I mean, my levels—I don’t know how much of this is because of that terrible relationship from long ago, but my desire levels have always been extremely low. I mean, Emily Nagoski writes about the sexual accelerators and the sexual brakes and I often feel like I’m all brakes and no accelerator.

Um, but I remember when I popped out my child, and after that I—It was like my body was no longer my own, and you’re just consumed by all this need, and even, you know, now that my child is seven, it’s still like there’s this child hanging on top of me all the time.

So growing older and being—having motherhood be such a huge part of my identity now, um—I mean, I end my days exhausted and not wanting to be touched by anyone. And, you know, the pandemic has only exacerbated that, because I’m in this house with this child and my husband and I, you know, I sort of want to murder his face because I’m just so sick of everyone, so I want to be alone.

Beyond that, I don’t know if, um—I think I’ve become better at communicating about sex and communicating about sex could maybe be beyond just goal-oriented penetrative intercourse.

And, you know, as I’ve written more, and I’ve talked to other sexuality professionals about, you know, redefining sex—like that’s something I’ve been more open about in my own conversations with my husband. It’s about, “Okay, well, how can we make this something that we both enjoy that’s not necessarily the same old, same old goal-oriented activity.”