My Story: Feeling Supported After My Abortion
By Saniya Ghanoui —
Mel describes how she felt after disclosing her abortion to her mom and friends. She remembers how supportive they all were after her second abortion and how they helped her get through a very difficult time.
OBOS Today: Great, um, so you said you had your first abortion, right at the beginning of the pandemic, when going, when you’re going through that experience, that you tell anyone?
Mel: Yeah, I, I haven’t told my, but until my parents, um, but I told the partner at the time. And he, I actually took the test, like, the day before lockdown, I remember we were, we had one last get together. I know that at this point that sounds very irresponsible, we had one last get together, but we, we didn’t know at the time.
Yeah, I told I told friends, a couple friends and then the partner at the time, but not, not parents, and then the second one, I did end up telling my mom just because I was on the second one was much more difficult. Nobody’s sure why, also it just the pain level was really, really high with the second one, I had just gotten my COVID vaccine, so the doctor theorized that I could have been a bit down for the count. With that it was like, days after getting it so maybe I was a little under the weather and that’s why there was so much more pain, but the second one was very, very painful like, during and after the procedure had a really bad aftermath, and so I did end up telling my mom after this second one just because I was so, so, so sick and in so much pain. But the first one went pretty smoothly, I guess, actually, um, yeah.
OBOS Today: That’s amazing that you are able to tell her that, in that, and did you feel supported through that decision whether it was through your partner or your friends or your mom?
Mel: Yeah everyone, everyone involved, and it was a different partner, the second time um I’m still with him um everyone involved was super supportive like, there’s not, there was not one person that ever suggested that I don’t get an abortion. Um I think, personally, though that’s because I don’t, this is the other thing is the second one was sadder for me, the first one was a lot easier and kind of every aspect, the second one, I felt sadder that I had to do it because the first one, I was like, I barely know this guy I’m, like, 29 that’s still pretty young and like, whatever I haven’t gone through this before I’m sure it’s fine you know, I was, like, very relaxed about it, the second one was really sad because I had you know, I was 30 and I kind of had maybe more of a serious relationship with the partner and I’m still with it like, I said so we’re all good but. It was like, sadder for me, because I, you know something about being in my 30s really changed it for me, because I was like, ‘dang, like, maybe if I had just graduated college and I like, had money and how maybe I wouldn’t like, have to you know I, like,, it was more of a kind of a sadness or, not like, I obviously I was not ever considering keeping it, but it was more of sad for me, the second one, I think, and I think it was just like, that age thing and there’s just like, a lot of pressure societal pressure. Now, being in like, your 30s as a woman it’s like, okay well when you’re 35 are considered geriatric pregnancy, they still like, that’s still a thing.
In Western medicine apparently that there’s just like, all these increased risks, and you know your fertility is like, gone and, and so I’m like, oh God I’m really feeling that, like, pressure that I have like, a few years before I’m geriatric like, my God what a word. And so yeah, I am I’m feeling that pressure, a lot so I’d say that’s probably what made the second one harder and then also just kind of reflecting back on, on life choices and like, wishing that I was a little more stable at this age, so that that brought up more emotions, for me, then, then the first one, I was just like, yeah whatever lots of people go through it. So yeah, they’re very different experiences.
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